They should have taco eating contests. I think it would benefit many people, bring world peace, and end the violence in every home.

My master key does not open the subway it only opens the bathroom door in the station. I charge people one dollar if they need to go to the bathroom. I’ve made a million dollars at this point and would not recommend giving me anymore dollars. I kept the money to myself and there is no janitor.

When the lights go out the ghosts start to rule the world. They travel in packs and scare the socks off people. It is actually a proven fact that if you see these groups of ghosts you must immediately start singing the never ending song, because repetition is known to make their ears bleed and that is the only way they can see where they are going.

My friend collects candy wrappers.  He’s actually just fat and lazy and doesn’t want to throw them out in the trash, but I prefer to say he’s a collector so I don’t look like a loser by being friends with him.